Alana
By
Julie J.
I am a crossdresser. My legal name is Alan. Alana meaning ‘awakening’, is the name I use when I am cross-dressed. I am in high school so the time between leaving school and 6:30 pm is when I am at home alone. When the maple trees are fully leafed out, our house becomes invisible from the road. The second story hallway has a door to an open balcony located above the attached garage. The solid guard rail makes this a very private space. It is the perfect place to enjoy an outdoor experience without the danger of being discovered. The balcony is furnished with a complete set of patio furniture.
On Saturdays when my parents are going to be away for the whole day, I can hand wash my girly things and set them out to sun dry on the balcony.
The balcony is where I can experience the fullness of being Alana. I like to dress in my white blouse, girl’s tie, plaid pleated skirt, black pantyhose, black heels and of course appropriate underwear. I have long black hair that I can bunch up on each side of my face and secure with elastic bands. I never had facial hair or body hair. I revel in the sensations when the soft fabrics touch my body. I pull my pantyhose up slowly to maximize the feelings experienced while they are coming up my legs. The binding feeling of my bra is reassuring that I am transforming into Alana. I have to use socks to fill the bra but I see online that breast forms are available for a price which I cannot afford. When I am fully dressed I like seeing myself in a full-length mirror. I look like a real girl.
My wardrobe is very limited. I bought my girl clothes with money I earned from cutting lawns and various other odd jobs. When not dressed up I keep these treasures locked up in a suitcase at the back of my closet. My secret is safe from accidental discovery. Lately my need to dress up has begun to spiral out of control. I knew I was going to have to reveal my secret to my parents soon. In my mind I rehearsed various scenarios as to how to do this. It turns out I needn’t have bothered.
Once home from school, after verifying I am alone, I become Alana. I would often make tea and take it up to the balcony where I could feel the warmth of the sun, enjoy the sights and sounds of nature, the peacefulness along with the feelings I experienced in being dressed in girl’s clothes. To me this was heaven.
It was a warm day in May. All the windows of the house were open. I had made tea. I failed to notice that I had not turned the stove off completely. There was a half-full kettle sitting on the burner. I took my teapot up to the balcony. When I closed the door to the balcony I accidently engaged the doorknob lock. The kettle boiled dry. The heated lime residue in the kettle activated the smoke alarms.
My neighbours upon hearing the smoke alarms called both the fire department and my parents. It was then that I discovered the locked balcony door. I was stuck on the balcony. I was horrified watching the fire trucks approach. Of course a crowd gather around the fire trucks. My parents were in the crowd and watched as I was rescued. Today would be my coming out day whether or not I wanted it to happen. I had definitely not planned for this to be a neighbourhood event.
I was trapped on the balcony. I had to be rescued by the fire department. When asked what my name was, I replied, “Alana.” Everyone knew a boy named Alan lived here but who was this girl Alana? One of the firemen immediately reported to my parents that their daughter, Alana, had been safely rescued. My parents were puzzled. They replied that they did not have a daughter Alana. They were led over to me. It was awkward to say the least. It was my mother who recognized me immediately. “Alan?” she asked.
“I can explain” was my reply.
“Not here. The neighbours”
Nothing more was said. The firemen checked out the house before we were allowed to go inside.
It was very difficult for me to explain Alana and my need to be Alana. My parents were somewhat understanding. They replaced the old doorknob lock on the balcony door with a new deadbolt lock. “For Alana’s sake” my father said. Alana was allowed to stay but she was confined to the balcony only.